Are you so wrapped up in a man/woman that your children don’t
(*Warning* This was my state of mind at a time when I was in pain and creative writing is how I vent,if you are easily alarmed this may not be the poem for you)
Why are they asking to be verbally accousted
exist?
Is the only thing on your mind the thought of sexual bliss?
I am hurting inside, which is the reason for the tears
But not for myself,instead for the fears
The ones that reside in a child’s mind
From the acts of man that are so unkind
Mamma on the net showing men her back side
Daddy net pimpin, no show of pride
Kids on my space, predators in their face
No conversations about life are taking place
Now these children are growing up having kids of their own
And still have no clue how to be part of a productive home
We want the world to be a better place
Hooked on racism and governmental issues
But in your home things are messed up
but you want to know what you can do
To make this world a better place to live
Try this
Pay attention to your kids!
Do you talk to your child, about more than what he or she
has done wrong
Do you hold your children close when they feel the effects
of a raging storm
Yes you work you supply their physical needs
But what about their hearts
Are you there when their souls bleeds
Do you answers life questions
Can they depend on you for strength
Or are you so wrapped up in a man that your children
don’t exist?
You teach them what’s right and what’s wrong
But do you engage their childish nature
The one that longs
To play chase, hide and seek, let ice-cream drip down their
arms cause they lick to slow
Or are you fighting for the cause so hard your own children
don’t even know
You
Face down in the wood chips
Once upon a time in one of the darkest valleys off my life
I found
Myself face down
In the wood chips of an elementary school playground
I had taken to the head MUCH rum
I sipped it fast and furious till it was done
I was already past drunk
now I was stupid
he told me
when we were we
supposed to be me and he
he got she
pregnant
when we were us
he bust a nut
and got slut
with child
and all the while
he lied
I was past the point of return
I picked up the phone
called him
called his trick
that he shared his d*** with
when it was thought to be mine solely
oh lil misguided me
I told her how she was a sad little girl
how she was stupid to believe
he would really make her part of his permanent world
yeah me
face down in the wood chips
I pissed myself thrice
why
I was so gone I lost all control of me
The rum
made me numb
I could NOT move
I was stuck
dumb
alchol had me parralyzed
But did I have to be face down
why not looking up at the sky
Called her back
I told her not to let me catch her nasty a** on the block
or that's a wrap
she gonna get got
all the while
face down
in the wood chips of the elementary school playground
then I called him
told him
scolded him
for being the thorn in my side
annihilated my heart
trampled my soul
pierced my spirit
with this pain
of which I could not be consoled
just me
that bottle
that rum
and my pissy pants
Nigga leave me be
and all the while
you lied
And you hit me
Left me Physically abused...over YOU?
You put your hands on me
And probably she
Kia he asked..where are you let me come get you
to which I replied
F*** you, you are neither my friend nor my lover
I'm fine mother f******
as I wipe the spit from my mouth
laying face down
in the wood chips on the playground of an elementary school
Then daddy called
KiKi where are you lil girl
Why you wanna know ...you aint care when I was REALLY your lil girl
when daddy should have been my whole world...leave me alone dammit
let me be
oh GOD I can't move my legs
And yet again I can feel this pee
Still all alone
it's getting cold
negative thoughts on repeat
mentally trapped by this man and that she
after all that
been through
after all that
I
told you
How when I was a child
They touched me the wrong way
How life left me pained and bound
How when I was to young to know
they forced me
into this grown up world
They said trust me
sweet litlle girl
so
I did
Mentally abused
Physically battered
Sexually tattered
at such a young age
Life didn't matter
joy couldn't be fathomed
I felt pure rage
I WAS once again center stage
where the audience is laughing
at me
I fell asleep
face down in the wood chips
When I awoke
Still
face down in the wood chips
I wanted to go home
It was dark
Cold
I was wet
alone
face down in the wood chips
I grab my phone
No Dial tone
Battery dead
I cant walk home
I fall asleep
awake again get on my knees
Prayed
God get me home please
Yes stupid me
Please
I stumble I was cold, I crawled most of the way home
On a neighborhood sidewalk
dark
As I look back
now in a state of peace....misery relieved
Over she and he and the aborted baby
So glad I have found peace
happy
sustained by grace
in a grand place
of JOY
And as I look back I can say
Years later you can't tell me nothing
nothing
absolutely nothing
Bout wood chips!
© 2008 by Jazz Imaginations . All rights reserved
I Have not that power!
I have to learn to deal with myself
to understand who I am
you must know who you are as a man
I cant tell you who you are
that’s a mystery to even you
you cant say you know me
Until you walk in my mental shoes
to thine own self be true
I’ve been an emotional captive
and have kept you prisoner as well
held hostage by your insecurities
you being trapped by my pain
Thoughts of this
no longer being a love thing
but a distant memory
I’ve been beat down by your mental demons
the ones you chose not to recognize
they laugh when tears fill my eyes
they scoff at our demise
If Im broke
and your bent
we cant come together
and make US straight
I cant heal you
you cant fix me
all we can do for each other
is aggravate
If Im unhappy
and your miserable
we cant laugh our blues away
sex wont make it better
it’s just a wet band aid
To make this thing work
Im going to have to be whole
to make this thing last
Ima need you to be real
to make this thing happen
Ima need to be resolute
to make this thing strong
Ima need you to step back and regroup
I have no doubt you love me
as I do you
but in order to make it through
we gotta self evaluate
take care of our minds sake
have peace
be sane
be sound and whole separately
then come together and make
sweet melody
I was not
Not by small Petty Traps and Mishaps
involved in a verbal joust
with me being all offense
by the mouth?
*Heavy Sigh*
When it gets to the point I feel my flesh rising high
Negative Emotions my FatherHas equipped me to fight
something strange happens something sweet
revelation so deep
I take a step back realize small mishaps
and small petty traps
are not worth the relapse
don't let normal human tendencies
make you move your once planted feet
I cant just revert back to the me who didn't care attack
you mentally with a blank stare
being left on face
your feeling out of place
cause I read you your rights
and you found out
you had none
no right to my life
no right to try
no right to choose
weather I live or die
I make that choice
my life hid in Christ
His voice
If I failed to be me
when I know I should be
then it's my fault
when they try to deceive me
with all the little lip play
that back in my old days
got them verbally accosted involved in a verbal joust
me being all offensive by the mouth
gets me caught by many naysayers
when the old me is reborn
I come out of retirement put my sin nature back
on rush in like I used
to ready to scorn
then I stop
something strange happenssomething sweet revelation so deep
cant let myself be moved by every negative lip smacker
not by the emotionally trapped slacker
who has no life
I read them there rights
and they found out they had none
no right to my life
no right to try
no right to choose
weather I live or die
I make that choice
This is my life my voice
_____________________________
© 2008 by Jazz Imaginations . All rights reserved
Dysfunctional Diva's
A woman is a true diva before she gets dressed, she doesn’t become a diva only after she is fully arrayed in the latest fashions. She can be a diva in sweat pants and a white tee, and still turn heads, cause what she has comes from within.
The woman that neglects to take care of her mental state is operating in dysfunction. It really doesn’t matter how well dressed she is, how mean her toe game is, how the hair is oh so right. It matters not how many suitors she has and how flamboyant she is. If she lacks the common sense, if she lacks knowledge needed to function in the roles that she has, if her moves are not fluid and free. And if she lacks wisdom, grace poise, forget about being a diva, learn how to be a woman first.
You fine as hell in those designer shoes but your mind has been so raped by tragedy’s that you live in fear and the clothes are just a cover up. You say oh Im to good for that negro and he cant handle a woman like me , but what you really mean is he cant go home with you cause when you go home that’s your time to close the door and cry, and it aint you he cant handle but your luggage.
I have seen some women who’s outfits were what others would call bargain basement, but the way they carried themselves made the outfit virtually invisible, and she was attractive for who she was. She knew who she was, and she was real and genuine. She knew the bills get paid first, and even if you didn’t have any money then get what you need to self manicure em and keep it pushin, she understands that before she could get a man and expect for him to be all that she had be whole herself. She understands that when the clothes come of and she is naked before the world she must have a mind, because her titts cant balance the checkbook, and raise a child. Nor will it keep the attention of a man really ready to settle down, and have a partner who works with him, and not against. She loves to look good, and will maintain her hair and nails and clothes, but before that all happens she makes sure that all is well with her mentally. She exudes peace, she is not lacking in her spirit.
I met many woman who have the diva persona, but to get to the root of who she is one would have to assume that the mother was absent from her life, or for that matter any positive female role model, who’s told and showed her that a diva is whole spiritually and mentally before she dresses herself, and she doesn’t become a diva only after she is dressed. She can be a diva in sweat pants and a white tee, and still turn heads, cause what she has comes from within.
I remember a time I had on a crispy clean pair of white classic Reebok’s, legs shaved oiled up legs, crisp white tank with a lil lace, hair pulled back in a tight pony with the edges flipped. Walking into a 7-Eleven with my head held high, miss thang beside me in some heels that she looked uncomfortable walking in, trying so hard to be fly she tripped up the curb, and me and the guy who’s attention she was trying to get laughed like it was Kat Williams in drag, I already had his attention, Oh don’t get me wrong she was beautiful, but her whole persona was stank.
And since we are on the subject riddle me this.
You are taking a trip to Six Flags or Disney World some type of amusement park where you do a lot of walking, and you have on a pair of six inch heels, pants that barely allow you to move, skirt so short you cant bend down to sit, so stuck up on yourself you cant have fun. You are more ready for runway model status than having a great time. What’s the point of being there, Okay you and your girls profiling for the male species, but you in pain like a mofo and you not having fun. Could you have not found a sexy pair of comfy low shoes or do you not exude enough real diva that you couldn’t rock flats?
The thing about a diva is you know when and where to wear your outfits, you know how to rock any outfit, for any occasion, you dress properly for the situation and you make it look good, from hair to shoes to accessories. If you stand clueless and how to make an outfit work and be fantastic but functional , not a Diva. You gotta know when to rock the right shoes at the right time, otherwise....not a diva.
If you going out for a night on the town and most of your time is going to be sitting down, heck yeah wear those shoes that are high as all get out, cause they might hurt to continuously walk in but look good when you sit with your legs crossed and you posted up styling.
If you are going to the beach and you know dude likes to play in the water and will expect you to get in, um no not the time to get your hair done and then cry about it getting wet. Ponytails are not frumpy, if you want sexy make sure your swim suit is off the hinges, the hair wont matter.
But all of this only happens when you are whole, sound, and spiritually in tuned to who you are, only after that can you and your true style shine and the essence of a true diva can prevail.
No amount of makeup can fix a funky attitude and a cold heart. No amount of designer clothing can add to you wisdom.
Thats my blah blah
Jazz out
Humor not idiocy
So that no soul will be lost
Do you remember your child?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
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10
comments
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
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3
comments
To deal with you
© 2008 by Jazz Imaginations . All rights reserved
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
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2
comments
The problem with me
WAS
I was to open and free.
I trusted what someone said to easily.
I gave love and affection, time and concession
to those who called THEMSELVES
my friend's, not paying ........ATTENTION
to the tell tell signs that was right in front of my eyes
how could I have been so blind
Then I grew a little, saw a few things, fell down a lot
I became something Today by God's grace that back then
The problem with me
THEN
Is I could be so shut down.
Scrutinize what you say, wonder if the look you had was straight
might like you tomorrow but defiantly not today
talk to you.......... but look away
cant trust you or the things you say
you might have been real and honest and true
but me being who
I WAS
I couldn't see you
Then I grew more ,paid attention to more
I became something new through GOD"s grace that then I
I had once ignored
And Today
I still scrutinize what you say
but I use wisdom when I do
I still might like you tomorrow instead of today
but I give you the chance to at least prove
I still talk to you, but I look you in your eyes
because if I look away you can put on a disguise
See I had to find a good medium between trust and love and like
When I found out who I was, I saw who I might
trust
believe in
give a chance to get close
and today unlike the past , it is more than most
but I still watch look
I still play and weigh
and acquire a few friend by GOD'S grace
And that's where
I am
© 2008 by Jazz Imaginations . All rights reserved
Thursday, March 19, 2009
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1 comments
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
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2
comments
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
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1 comments
Don't mistake my humor for idiocy
My mind goes further than routine comedy
My role in your life Is to stimulate it with laughter
Yes Your happiness is what I am after
I understand political jargon
World affairs have their timeand place
I am in a conscious state
I don't have a voided mind to which common sense has nospace
I am aware of the toils of humanity
I am not inept
Knowledge is power I agree
Yes I long to make you smile
MY preference is your joy
I am not in your life to bring governmental issues for you to explore
That is what your other friends are for
My role in your life Is to stimulate it with laughter
Yes Your happiness is what I am after
And if you wanna go deeper to find out who I am
Then we can expound on the histories of man......................woman
But for now when our paths cross
It is for Joy, peace,encouragement
Smile my friend Let me perform the action for which I was sent
My role in your life Is to stimulate it with laughter
Yes Your happiness is what I am after
___________________________________________
© 2008 by Jazz Imaginations . All rights reserved
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